Black & white cookies of Borough Park

This is a follow-up to my previous post, Black & white cookies of Midwood. Today—continuing my search for the perfect black & white cookie—I headed to Borough Park, to visit four bakeries: Shlomy’s Bake Shoppe, Korn Bakery, and Gross Bake Shop on 16th Avenue, and Weiss Bakery on 13th Avenue.

As before, ratings are on a 5-cookie scale.

Shlomy’s ($???)

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(Note: the label next to the cookie in each photo is exactly 57⁄8″ long.)

I have no idea how much this cookie cost. I got some other desserts along with the b&w cookie (including an amazing cheesecake-filled cupcake, with mocha buttercream frosting on top, and the bottom dipped in milk chocolate); there were no prices in the display case; I paid by credit card; and they didn’t give me a receipt. It’s probably around $2.00, just like at most of the other bakeries.

As you can see in the picture, some of the dark (i.e., chocolate) frosting stuck to the wax paper that they wrapped the cookie in, and came off when I unwrapped it. Not the worst thing in the world, of course. A far more unpleasant surprise awaited me as I bit into the cookie.

Readers, I do not exaggerate when I say that this is by far the worst black & white cookie I have ever had the misfortune of tasting.

I’ve eaten a lot of black & white cookies in my life. Some have been from venerable family-run bakeries in Brooklyn; some have been from exorbitantly expensive gourmet delis in Midtown Manhattan. I’ve had all too many mass-produced, shrink-wrapped black-and-whites, bought from one of the many hole-in-the-wall bodegas that are ubiquitous in Brooklyn and Queens. I’ve even, in moments of weakness, had a black-and-white or two from Entenmann’s—that corporate perverter of all that is pure and good in baked desserts.

This cookie stands alone in its horror and shame.

The dough is clearly undercooked. It’s dense and soggy in the middle, yet somehow, dry and powdery on the top and bottom, tasting of stale flour. That there is not a hint of any flavor that even suggests the presence of good, honest ingredients, need hardly be said. Besides being woefully underdone, the dough clearly didn’t rise at all. I would also be quite surprised to learn that this cookie didn’t sit around for at least a day, if not several, before I bought it. The frostings, which somehow manage to be almost completely tasteless (giving only a cornstarch-filled hint of confectioner’s sugar) are, quite literally, just icing on what can only metaphorically be called a “cake”.

Shame on you, owner(s) of Shlomy’s Bake Shoppe. Shame on you. Perhaps you should have spent less money on that fancy new storefront, with its glass doors, and more on not selling utter crap in the guise of iconic baked goods. I’ve got both a metaphorical and a very literal bad taste in my mouth after the experience of trying this cookie.

My rating: ZERO COOKIES.

Korn ($1.40)

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(This photo, and the next, shows the cookie partially eaten, because my camera didn’t save the pics the first time, and I had to re-take them after the tasting.)

I was slightly concerned about evaluating this cookie; wouldn’t anything taste amazing, after the fiasco of the Shlomy’s cookie? Might’n’t I be tempted to give the Korn cookie a higher rating than it deserves, merely by dint of favorable comparison?

As it turns out, I experienced no such temptation. What’s with the dry cookies, Borough Park? This is truly distressing.

Let me be fair: in no way is the Korn Bakery cookie as bad as the Shlomy’s one. But to call that a “low bar to clear” would be an understatement of Biblical proportions! This is not a good black & white cookie. It’s very dry, the cookie is flavorless, and the frostings taste of sugar and little else. Frankly, I just want to move on, and not dwell on this sad excuse for a cookie.

My rating:

Gross ($2.00)

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Dry. Tasteless. Way too sweet. Given how massive this cookie is, and the fact that the white frosting is no more or less than a single thick, solid sheet of unflavored sugar, I have to wonder whether this cookie was intended for eating or as a riot shield, as I would not be surprised to see it deflect small-arms fire. It is, however, edible… barely.

My rating:

Weiss (MISSING!)

I couldn’t find the place. Yes, really. Maybe it went out of business? Maybe I was tired? Maybe there was a rift in space-time?

I’ll go back and look for it another time.

Winner

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There are no winners, here, only a loser: me. Today has been a harrowing experience, one I dearly wish never to repeat.

Conclusions

Don’t go to Borough Park for a black & white cookie.